


Life (Sh*t) Happens

by Scorpio_Karma



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Adultery, Affairs, All Human, Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gen, She Really Needs a Good Friend, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:37:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8948017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpio_Karma/pseuds/Scorpio_Karma
Summary: Bonnie's at Whitmore University when her life complicates. Her affair with her college professor ends when her friendship with her best friend is on the rocks all the while having to deal with her annoying never shuts up neighbor who's cable ran out.





	1. The Professor

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an all human story that's been in my notes in grave detail for a while. I know I have a lot of stories going on, but I promise I haven't abandoned nor lost inspiration for them. I just wanted to start something new and since I've been thinking about TVD lately I thought I'd start with this. 
> 
> Now anybody with any morality hiccups especially those involving adultery and infidelity let me warn you now if you didn't get it from the tags you will not enjoy this story especially Bonnie and her behavior. I tend to write her a little bit more corrupt than she is on the show so if that's not your thing please exit this story immediately.
> 
> Now onto the story...enjoy.

* * *

He has that look on his face again—the one of total adoration that Bonnie can’t resist every time and this time just like before she ends up sprawled across his desk with him between her legs trying to not make too much noise. He has a really talented mouth with the way that he laps up her pussy like it was the finest dessert in the world, but none of that compare to his dick. He could make her praise deities alone with just one thrust—he knew exactly where all her erogenous zones were without even trying. Compared to every partner she's ever had, finding one was an improvement. She supposes that’s why she’s stayed with him so long. It’s almost been a year and she doesn’t even need his class to graduate, but she always comes back for more— _each_ and _every_ semester.

He knows her body better than anyone, including herself, has ever known and it's not just physical—he challenges her mind in ways she never thought. She just kept thinking about how great it will be when they can be together officially, in public and they can let everyone know that never has there ever been a greater love. At least that's what she tells herself. Today she would find out if that would ever be true.

He thrusting in her at a deep angle making her vision blur when his phone rings dampening the mood, but she won't let it kill the orgasm that's started to build. “Don’t you dare answer that,” she says frustrated with their interruption.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He says as he bends down and kisses her hungrily. He slows down his rhythm and moves hard and precise each time hitting her G-spot. She has to bite on his shoulder not moan too loud. When the ringing stops he speeds up his rhythm taking her right back to where she was until the noise blares right next to her ear again making her grunt in frustration. He moves to rub her clit in an effort to distract her, but it just keeps ringing.

Finally they both concede that he has to answer the phone. He pulls out of her completely and grabs the receiver. “Professor Atticus Shane.” He says slightly irritated.

She can’t hear what’s being said on the other line, but she can tell the caller is clearly female. His expression quickly turns from frustrated to guilty. “That’s today…why'd you call my work phone...sorry…I’m on my way.” He slams the receiver back in place and quickly scrambles to get his clothes righted. He looks to Bonnie apologetically. “Sorry we have to cut this short.”

She gives him a sad smile and starts to get up. “It’s okay, I understand, you have other obligations.” She pulls her bra strap back in place and grabs her shirt to pull on.

“Don’t say it like that, you know I care about you too,” he tells her.

“I know just not as much as your _wife,_ ” she says with resentment.

He walks up to her and gently puts his hands on both side of her face. “You know it’s not that simple—we have a son together and as much as I would love to ride off into the sunset with you, I can’t just ignore my responsibilities.” She looks down to the floor trying not to show how upset she is. “Come on look up at me,” she does so with sad eyes. “It’s not always going to be like this, I love you and nothing’s going to change that.”

She smiles at his declaration, “I love you too.” He kisses her sweetly before backing away from her and they proceed to make themselves look presentable. She looks at him unsure of her next words. Very quietly almost too low for him to hear she says, "when?"

He looks at her with his eye brows pinched. "When what?"

"When is it not going to be like this?" Her voice sounds firmer.

He looks uncomfortable. "It's hard to say, it could be a year...maybe five. I just don't know."

She looks anywhere but at him. "Why can't it be now?"

"You know why." He walks to the door and opens it for her. As they leave his office she tells him, “You know leaving your wife doesn’t mean you’re leaving your son,” and then walks off.

* * *

She finds them impossibly close together at their usual table. She’s pretty sure Damon has his tongue in Elena’s ear. “God you two are disgusting. You do know you’re not alone right?”

Elena has the decency to look embarrassed, but Damon just rolls his eyes and continues his quest to have sex in public. “Damon stop!” Elena yells mildly amused.

“Fine,” Damon says while pouting, but still moving his hand slowly up his girlfriend’s skirt. Bonnie finally finds it safe enough to sit down with her friends and plops her food down.

Elena moves her attention from Damon’s hand to Bonnie. “You’re here later than usual.”

“Yeah I had to discuss something with Professor Shane after class,” Bonnie says half-heartedly and turns to her salad.

“Again?” Damon says narrowing his eyes at her.

“Yes again, it’s a semester long class there’s lots of things to _discuss_ in that period of time.”

“Yeah, but you’ve had his class once already, surely his class isn’t that _challenging_.” Damon tilts his head and gives a knowing smirk.

“Well what would you know about challenging classes? You’re literally here just so daddy doesn’t cut you off.” She knows that's a low blow, but it's not like he really even cares. 

“Alright calm down both of you. I don’t know what’s going on with both of you, but it needs to stop now.” Elena cuts in holding her hand between both of them separating them “I thought you guys had gotten over this childish bickering and actually became friends?”

“We are, just…” Bonnie trails off.

“...with the childish bickering,” Damon finishes for her.

“Exactly.” Bonnie chimes in.

“Well I don’t want to be referee between both of you for the rest of my life, so can you please keep the childish bickering to a minimum.”

“We’ll try, but I can’t guarantee anything.” Bonnie says stabbing her salad with her fork and taking another bite.

“What she said.” Damon kisses Elena's cheek.

“Good…” Elena then proceeds to talk about her day and other nonsense neither Damon nor Bonnie are paying attention to. Bonnie’s mind is still on what happened earlier and Damon’s just trying figure out what’s wrong with Bonnie. It’s not until he sees the hickey she clearly was trying to hide beneath her scarf that he knows exactly what’s wrong and his temper starts to flare. His eyes bore into her and she can feel guilt creeping in.

After about 20 minutes of Elena talking she’s decided she’s done with pretending. “Look I’m not feeling too well I’m just gonna go home.” Bonnie says defeated.

“Oh, well feel better Bonnie.” Elena says concerned.

“Thanks ‘Lena.” She then gets up and leaves the cafeteria into the hallway of the student center. She’s halfway down the hall when Damon catches up to her.

“You’re still seeing him.” It’s not a question.

Bonnie turns around exasperated, “So what if I am.”

“So what?” He lets out a scoff. “He’s married Bonnie and that’s not going to end well for you.” He says with concern lacing his voice.

“Why do you care so much? It’s not your life.” She sounds almost outraged.

“I’m your friend…I’m always going to care and want what’s best for you and he’s definitely not it.” He makes sure to look intently into her eyes to let her know how serious he is. 

“Yeah well, no one asked your opinion.” Bonnie walks away from him crying leaving him in the hall alone.

* * *

Bonnie is dragging her feet up the steps to her apartment door. Her father got her an apartment just off campus as a 'sorry for missing your graduation' gift. She had a lot of gifts like those—she didn’t know why he even bothered with feeling guilty if he was just going to keep doing things like that, but she couldn’t complain. She didn't have to live in a dorm and share one bathroom with 40 other girls.

She’s at her door digging for her keys in her purse when he comes out. “Hey neighbor.” His voice sounds smug as usual—he didn't even know a thing about her and yet it always felt like he was mocking her no matter what he said. His voice just had that effect, plus the note of sarcasm he had in everything he said. 

“Ugh, I don’t have time for you today,” she says as she starts taking things out of her purse in hopes of finding her keys.

“My, my, my, aren’t we testy today.” Though she can’t see him she can tell he has a smirk on his face by the tone in his voice.

“Yes we are, and we’re not in the mood for any of your antics Kai, so crawl back into the hole in which you came from and leave me alone.” She finally sees her keys and proceeds to unlock and enter her apartment. Before she closes the door she turns to him,"sorry to cut this short, but—" she slams the door right in his face and lets out a growl of frustration. She knew that was a little harsh, but if any of their other interactions had been an indicator she knew he was bound to say something that deserved that so she just cut straight to the chase because she was not in the mood today.

Today was not her day—today she was supposed to give him an ultimatum—today she was supposed to either end things or take them to the next level, but instead today she chickened out, let her fear of losing him win and she felt pathetic for it. And to top it all off she got scolded by Damon of all people and cheated out of what was going to be a really intense orgasm. She used to have self-respect, she used to have morals and now the only way to get them back scares her more than she’s comfortable with feeling. No man should have this power over her, but he did and she needed to get it back—she just wasn't sure if she wanted it back because then what would she have?

She spends the rest of the night cuddled on her couch mindless watching TV alone wondering if it’ll always be like this.  


	2. Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie spends some time with Stefan and Caroline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated before the end of the month! Yay I did something on time(ish). 
> 
> Anyways, Enjoy :)

They don’t make it very far into his office before their things are on the floor. She wore a low cut shirt with his favorite skirt on her—it made her ass look perfect, but what really got to him was the secretive look in her eyes she gave him throughout the entire lecture. He had to stand behind the podium for the rest of his students not to notice how she was affecting him. He knew what was in store later and he could barely wait. On their way to his office, he had to make her walk in front of him. Once the door was unlocked and open he shoved her against the door with her backside to him and lifted up her skirt only to groan at the sight of her wearing no underwear. He knew it was risky—anybody outside the door could hear them, but the thought of people knowing he was the one making her scream his name got him even harder.

His hands unbuckle his belt the fastest they can go. Whispering in her ear he says, “I have to teach a class in one hour. Let’s see how much I can make you scream in that amount of time.” Bonnie moans clearly affected by his words. She was wet with anticipation at the sound of his pants dropping to his ankles. He haphazardly kicks his pants along with his briefs off of himself.

She pokes her butt out to give him more access and he runs his cock between her folds spreading her wetness onto him. “Is this all for me?” he says before latching his mouth to the juncture between her neck and shoulder and biting down hard.

She moans “yes” in response and leans into him more in an attempt to push him inside. “It’s all for you—only you,” she says almost desperately.

He kisses up along her neck to her chin then with one hand reaches around to pull her face towards him and devours her mouth. He keeps rubbing his cock in circular motions around her clit and she can’t help the little whines that escape her mouth and rocking her hips. She wants him inside now. Pulling away from his lips, “please,” she pleads, but he just smiles in response and pulls away from her.

He spins her around to face him and before she can even blink he drops to his knees placing one of her legs onto his shoulder and digs in. He slowly slides his tongue up her pussy from her wet hole to the tiny bundle of nerves and stops. He sucks her clit into his mouth and flicks his tongue over the pearl. This sends a jolt up Bonnie’s spine and her hands automatically grab onto his hair. He let’s go and massages her folds with his tongue before diving into her dripping hole. Bonnie’s head tilts back and bangs against the door while she tries to hold her moans in. “Ung—there,” she sighs out when he curls his tongue up to hit her G-spot. His hand travels underneath her shirt and pinches her nipple causing her to feel a jolt in her clit. His nose is placed perfectly against her clit and she starts moving up and down working her up even more. As her pace increases she can feel her walls tightening against his tongue. She roughly tugs at his hair to keep him in place while uncontrollably whimpering. She knows she’s close—he knows it, the only question is how loud she will be when she finally explodes.

He takes his tongue out of her hole and focuses only on her clit sucking hard while using his tongue to create pressure. It hits her by surprise causing the muscles in her whole body to contract and a scream sounding very much like his name. She can feel the pleasure wash over in waves making her feel limp. Before she’s even fully recovered she can feel him pulling her into him and taking her mouth in a gentle kiss. She can taste herself on him and can’t help the satisfying thought that he’s going to have her on him for the rest of the day.

He walks them over to his desk and turns her around again. “Bend over,” he says in a commanding voice that sends satisfying tingles through her body. She complies immediately. He strokes himself a couple times before running his dick along her pussy again coating himself in her wetness. Bonnie lets out a hum of satisfaction. He wastes no time and plunges in feeling her pussy conform to his dick perfectly—he lets out a grunt of pleasure.

He bends down and whispers in her ear, “I love how your pussy feels every time—” He slowly pulls himself out and then plunges back in with a hard thrust, “—it knows just how to milk my cock.” He thrusts in again except this time at a deeper angle cause both to let out a guttural moan. “It’s like it was made exactly for me.” His words caused a jolt inside her, she loved it when he talked dirty to her especially when he got possessive like this, it always made her wetter. “Do you love my cock, Bonnie? Do you love the way it makes you feel?”

“Yes—oh god yes!” she moans out. She loves how concerned he was with the way _she_ feels and not just him.

She feels him picking up his pace working them both into a frenzy. She can’t help but meet each one of his thrusts seeking more friction, so she can meet that wonderful end. His hands move up her shirt and he pulls her breasts out over her shirt and bra. He cups them and holds onto them as leverage while pushes into her with more force. She grabs the edge of the desk to ground her as she feels the beginnings of her next orgasm.

He feels her start to squeeze around him and he knows he’s got her where he wants her. He slows down and starts making very deliberate thrusts hitting the spot he know will guarantee her walls to tighten some more. This causes her to writhe beneath and whimper. “Oh, right there, right there, right there…” she pleads with him and he complies.

He increases his pace again and starts to feel her walls tightening around him even more causing a moan of his own to be let out. “That’s it. Cum for me baby—cum on my cock.”

With a strangled moan she does and the feel of her warm slickness contracting around him causes his last shred of control to break and he follows along with her pushing himself deep inside her he coats her insides with his seed. His body falls limp and he leans on her breathing heavily, but she doesn’t mind—she loves the closeness.

They stay like that until both their breathing stabilizes. He moves off her and the air hitting her nude bottom causes her to shiver. He pulls some wet wipes out of his desk drawer and cleans both her and himself up. He then gently lays a kiss on her spine and pulls her skirt back in place. “I love you.” He says and she can’t help the smile that forms on her face. He always took good care of her before, during and after sex.

She gets up putting her shirt and bra back in place and turns around to face him. She pulls him down to her level and kisses him slowly. She feels the butterflies in her stomach start fluttering and warmth fill up her heart. She loves this man and when things were right it was beyond worth the risks.

They both lean into the kiss more when Bonnie feels his naked bottom half and she laughs. He pulls back slightly looking at her confused yet amused face. “What?”

“Your pants are all the way across the room.” She laughs again, but this time he joins in.

“Yeah I guess I got a little carried away,” he says with no hints of embarrassment.

“Yeah, but I got carried away with you,” she says and gives him a peck on the lips. He leans his head into her until their foreheads are touching.

“I should probably go get my pants.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

He kisses the tip of her nose and then walks to the other side of the room to retrieve his pants. Bonnie takes a moment to enjoy the view of his bare buttocks. He puts his pants on except this time with patience. He turns around to find Bonnie with a smirk gracing her face. “Enjoyed the view?”

“Maybe a little.” He walks back to her and snatches her into his arms from behind and kisses her jaw before leaning them both back into his chair causing her to squeal in surprise.

“Let’s relax for a bit, I still have fifteen minutes before I need to get to my next class,” he says with eyes starting to droop.

“Mmmm” is the only noise she makes before snuggling into him and closing her eyes. This is what she wanted—to get him in a good enough mood so she could bring up what she wanted to talk about a week ago. She shifts in his lap so that she has a better view of him.

“So I graduate at the end of next semester.” She doesn’t know why she poses it like a question.

“Yeah and?” He says curiously.

“And…if my dad shows up I thought you could meet him.” She looks at him timidly anxious for his answer. She decided to ease him into instead of just flat out asking like she normally does.

He lets a sigh of frustration. “Why would you want me to meet your dad? If this ever got back to my wife…”

“I know, but if that wasn’t a factor by then would you be willing to meet him?” She looks over at him with probing eyes.

He opens his eyes sees the nervous look on her face. “Of course I’d be willing to meet him,” he says to her gently. “But you understand why I can’t, don’t you?”

She shifts her gaze a bit, “Of course I understand why, but if somehow from now until then it wasn’t a factor…you leave her, it could be a possibility.” She stares at him hoping he gets what she’s saying and the groan she gets in response tells her he did.

"You know about the fidelity clause in our prenup, if I leave her I lose everything. I lose my son and become the weekend dad who screwed everything up. I can't do that," he says pleading for her to understand.

"Then don't tell her about me," she says hoping to find a loophole.

"How am I not going to tell her about you? You want me to just tell her I want a divorce and not give a reason why? It'll crush her."

She shifts in his lap straddling him so that he’s facing her directly. "But isn't that better than what you're doing now. Lying to her—keeping up the sham of a marriage—that’ll hurt you and her in the end."

"Just drop Bonnie, we've had this conversation before and my answer is not changing. I need more time—I need to sort out my life before I can be with you officially.” He runs his hands along her thighs gently and looks at her with a pleading expression. “And what about you? You're young, your life is just barely about to start, do you really want to make a commitment like that?"

"Of course I do. I know what I want and that's you." She leans her head in close so that their foreheads are touching.

He touched his hand to the side of her face. "You don't know you'll always feel that way."

“How can you say that,” she says tearing up before get up from his lap and staring at him with a horrified look on her face.

“Because it’s the truth,” he says somberly.

“No, it’s your truth,” She gets her bag from the other side of the room and storms out of his office. She shoves herself past a student hitting his shoulder.

“Whoa, didn’t get the grade you hoped for,” he says shocked by this strangers hostility, but she pays him no mind and just keeps walking until she’s far enough away from his office. She chooses a secluded area behind the building to break down and cry.

* * *

When she had cried all the tears she had left, she headed straight to her car and drove right to Stefan and Caroline’s apartment. Things had been awkward around Damon lately—he would stare at her with probing eyes while trying not to alert Elena. It felt very weird to be judged by Damon of all people, but Bonnie just figured he was just speaking from experience. She was happy that today was her day to hang out with Stefan and Caroline.

After an event that would now be dubbed as “the incident” the group had been separated by the fallout between the Salvatore brothers. Caroline had opted to side with Stefan and Elena with Damon, _not that she had a choice_ , due to being the epicenter of the conflict—and Bonnie was in the middle stuck stretching herself between each of them. On a normal day she would lament about the ridiculousness of it, but today she was in no mood for Damon, Elena or their flaunted happiness.

Bonnie knocks on the apartment door impatiently waiting for Caroline to answer. When she finally does she finds Caroline in a state of undress wearing only a robe to cover herself with her hair wild. She looks frustrated until realizing it’s Bonnie and then her features quickly change to surprise. “Bonnie…I thought you weren’t coming until six?” She says with a strained smile.

Bonnie stares at her a bit bewildered causing a long pause, but she catches herself before too much time passes. “I was I just decided to come earlier. Is this a bad time?”

“Umm…” she trails off peaking inside the apartment pinching her features contemplatively before snapping her attention back to Bonnie. “No, just give me a moment.” She ducks inside shutting the door in Bonnie’s face.

She doesn’t know what’s going on inside of there, but she hears a lot of shuffling and ten minutes later Caroline is opening the door, fully dress, with a man she doesn’t recognize behind her. Caroline turns to him, “sorry for making you leave, so abruptly, it’s just…unexpected visitor.” She gestures to Bonnie awkwardly.

“Caroline, it’s fine—I was about to get going anyway.” He takes her face into his hands and kisses her gently. Bonnie feels slightly out of place watching them and averts her gaze focusing on anything but them. He lets go of Caroline’s face and turns to exit. Bonnie moves out of the way so that the gentleman can leave. “Bye, Caroline,” he says before leaving down the hall to the elevators. Caroline visibly swoons.

Wanting to get out of the hall, Bonnie moves her way into the apartment forcing Caroline out of her daze. “So, who’s the hunk?”

Caroline gives Bonnie a wide smile before shutting the door behind her. “Jessie, I met him last week in the Library—it turns out we were studying for the same exam and needed the same book. We eventually came to a very _friendly_ solution to the problem.”

“I can see that,” she says with a wide fake smile to which Caroline rolls her eyes at.

Caroline walks out of the doorway and moves to the adjacent living room. “So why are you so early? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” She flops on the couch and twists her body to face Bonnie resting her elbow on the back of the couch with her hand.

“What are you, my mother?” Bonnie deflected.

“Well someone has to do it.” Caroline countered insensitively.

“And someone has.” Bonnie walks around to the other side of the couch and sits down. Caroline’s expression changes from playful to concern.

“Seriously, why is Bonnie Bennet, notorious good girl, skipping school?” Caroline makes a face at her phrasing.

“I just…” she lets out a defeated sigh, “needed a break.” She slumps into the couch more.

“Yeah, don’t we all—can you believe we graduate next semester? I’m as excited as I am nervous because then we have to _really_ start our lives.” She looks at Bonnie wide-eyed.

Bonnie snorts in response. “Yeah I get nervous just thinking about the future,” she says somberly.

“Well then let’s stop,” Caroline says concerned with the shift in Bonnie’s mood. “So, what’s new with you?”

“Nothing’s happened since the last time I talked to you _last week_ ,” she eyes Caroline probingly.

“Okay, bad question, but seriously it’s not like you give me that many details about your life anyway. To me, something old with you would probably be new to me.”

“I do too give you details about my life—it’s just I don’t have a lot going on. The most interesting thing I could tell you is that my neighbor is annoying, but I’ve already told you that.”

“I find it hard to believe that the most interesting thing going on in a college girl’s life is her annoying neighbor unless you’re doing him.” Caroline stares up for a moment. “Are you doing him?”

“Ha!” Bonnie had to laugh at that—she could feel her stomach muscles tensing from how hard it was making her laugh. The thought of fucking Kai Parker—a man who has made it his mission in life to annoy her—was the most outlandish thing she’d ever heard and was almost enough to cheer her up on the spot. But then she thought about how much easier her life would be _if_ he was who she was sleeping with. Her laughing stopped immediately. “No, Caroline I am not sleeping with my neighbor. If I was I would tell you.” Her last statement resonates with her.

“You better! I tell you about everyone I’m sleeping with, it’s only fair you do the same,” Caroline says teasingly.

Bonnie snorts again, “yeah, but I never ask for those details.”

Caroline pushes her shoulder playfully. “Hey, you’re my best friend, I should be able to tell you these things no prompting required.”

“Of course you can Caroline,” Bonnie says playfully.

They then fall back into old patterns and just sit there and talk about nonsense. Bonnie’s mood improved dramatically from earlier. This is also partially why she wanted to hang out with Caroline instead of Elena—her bubbly mood was contagious and was enough to keep her mind off of all the things keeping her down. She just sat there and listened to Caroline talk enthusiastically about her life and it was enough of a distraction.

Eventually, around five o’clock, Stefan came walking through the door surprised to see the girls in the living room. “Hey, you’re here early.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes having had this exact conversation already. “Observant today aren’t we?”

Stefan chuckles. “No more than usual Bonnie,” he says with a smile and then walks off to his room to put his stuff down.

Caroline gets up and walks across the doorway into the adjacent kitchen and then to the dining room table that sits across from the kitchen bar that separates the two rooms. Caroline looks perplexed. “Stefan!” she says irately.

He comes out of his room quickly confused with her tone. “What?”

“Where’s the pizza I asked you to pick up?” She says in calmly.

Stefan’s mouth gapes as he realizes he forgot to pick it up. “I forgot it. Sorry, Caroline, I was just caught up with Valerie that I forgot everything else. I’ll go get it now.” He starts to walk to his room to get his jacket and keys.

“No, I’ll get it,” Caroline says huffing.

“Caroline seriously it’s my mistake I can go back out and get it.”

“No, you just got home and I don’t want to make you go right back out. Just stay—keep Bonnie company.” She walks to the coat rack and puts on her jacket while slipping into her shoes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she says grabbing her keys off of the kitchen counter. She then turns to Bonnie who is still on the couch in the living room. “I’ll be back.” She then walks to the door and opens it.

“Bye Care,” Bonnie waves as Caroline exits and shuts the door. Stefan goes back into his room.

It’s quiet for a while after she leaves. Bonnie just sits on the couch alone slightly uncomfortable not knowing what to do. This was exactly what she was trying to avoid by coming here early—she didn’t want to be alone and let her mind wander and think about the situation with Shane. One the one hand she loved spending time with him and having him in her life, but on the other, she was tired of it being a secret—of not being able to tell her friends and family about the man she was in love with—and she wanted it to last. That’s why she had gotten so pushy lately because she knew once she graduated and was gone there would be no excuse for him to see her. They rarely met outside of his class and office—he only very occasionally came to her apartment, but that was only when he could find a good enough excuse to leave his family for the weekend. And on his days off they would go out to places two towns over. He was very thorough in keeping it a secret from his wife. Though she thought they could make it if they tried, she felt that she could just as easily fade out of his life and that scared her. She hears a door open and when she turns she sees Stefan coming out of his room in some sweats and damp hair interrupting Bonnie’s thoughts. He grabs one of the throw pillows and flops down onto the couch next to her.

“Hey, Bonnie.”

She smiles thankful for the distraction. “Hey, Stefan. Have a nice shower?”

“Yes, it was very…cleansing.” They both laugh at his choice of words.

“Well that’s nice to hear,” she says with a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Yeah that wasn’t my best line—I promise to try better next time.”

“Maybe you used all your best lines on this _Valerie_ woman.” She narrows her eyes at Stefan.

He rolls his eyes in response, “Trust me that’s not it.”

“How would you know?”

“I just do,” he says in a finite tone.

“Then what’s with you and this woman anyway. I hear her name dropped into conversations a lot, but don’t know anything about her.”

“Nothing, there’s really nothing to tell, we're mostly just hanging out as friends.”

“Does she know this?”

“I think so…I hope so. I really like hanging out with her—somebody who doesn’t know the whole incident—someone who doesn’t look at me with pity.”

“We don’t look at you with pity.”

“Not anymore, but for a while, she was basically the light at the end of the tunnel—the only person who didn’t make it worse.” He stares ahead pensively.

“Well I’m sorry if I made it worse,” she says truly remorseful.

“You have nothing to apologize for Bonnie—if anything you were one of the people to make it kind of better, but that’s mainly because I didn’t see you all the time. As much as I love her, Caroline can get a little intense.”

She snorted, “Yeah, I know. I remember once when we were in high school, Tiki purposely spilled paint all over me ruining my new outfit while we were decorating the homecoming float—Caroline made her run around the entire school every cheer practice for _a month._ ”

“Wow, I suppose that’s in line with permanently cutting Damon _and Elena_ out of her life.”

“Yeah, she can go a little overboard,” she says a little somberly. “I kind of wish it wasn’t that way—that we could all be in the same room again.”

"Look, I know what you mean because I hope for that too sometimes. I love my brother and wish him all the best, but I'm not ready to have him in my life again."

"I know that and he knows that it's just...he does miss you, you know."

"I know," he says poignantly and then Caroline walk back into the apartment with two large pizzas.

“I’m back!” she puts the pizzas down on the kitchen counter and removes her shoes and coat. “God, thirty minutes or less is a lie. It took them almost an hour to get these to me.” She gets out enough paper plates for everyone and opens the box to get her own slices.

“Well come on guys—what are you doing sitting there? Come eat.” She walks out to the dining room table and sits down.

That was their cue and soon Stefan and Bonnie are joining Caroline at the table. They fall into their usual routine of mindless chatter and updating each other of the going ons in each other’s lives. The conversation soon turns to Caroline’s newest boy toy and she gets defensive.

What about that blonde bimbo you date."

"Hey, that bimbo has a name and I’m not dating her, but if I was when you date for longer than three weeks it's called a relationship, something you wouldn't know anything about."

"I’ve dated someone for longer than three weeks," Caroline says outraged.

"Name one."

"Uh, Tyler."

"Fuck buddy doesn't count," Stefan counters.

She takes a moment and really thinks about all who she has dated until she comes up with one. "Matt!"

"That was high school."

"So, it still counts," she says grasping at straws. Bonnie jut looks between the both of them amused by their banter.

"I guess so, but does it really feel like a win when the last time you committed to someone you were 17."

"That's was only like four years ago...shit four years...anyway, that's not that long ago."

“True but long enough time for your last _real_ relationship.”

“Well, we all can’t be serial monogamists.”

“I’ve only been monogamous with _one_ woman.” Now he’s on the defense.

“Yeah well, you might as well add Valerie to that list.”

“How so?”

“Well you spend most of your time with her and no one else and she looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars. You really expect me to believe nothing is going on there?” Caroline folds her arms in front of her waiting for an answer.

“I expect you to believe whatever I tell you because you’re my friend and friends trust each other."

Caroline rolls her eyes and looks away from him slightly guilty. She then lets out a calming breath and twists her body toward Stefan giving him her full attention. “That may be true, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you have that girl hooked and if you’re just going to keep stringing her along let her go because no girl deserves that kind of pain no matter how much I don’t like her.”

“It might go somewhere—I might not be stringing her along for nothing.”

“Well then tell her that, so that she doesn’t keep hopelessly waiting for you to make a move.”

“How do you know I haven’t?”

Something about Caroline and Stefan’s conversation resonates with Bonnie in a way she doesn’t quite understand in that moment—or she doesn’t want to understand. The rest of the evening has a heavy air to it and when Bonnie leaves she doesn’t feel any lighter than when she came over. As she’s walking up the steps to her apartment door all that she was trying to keep at bay starts creeping in. By the time she gets to her door her eyes have started to get teary and she hopes she can make it inside before tears actually start falling.

She’s having difficulty getting the key in the slot when she hears him.

“Well if it isn't miss sassy pants!" He says in all his sarcastic glory.

She takes a deep breath and lets the annoyance take over. She feels her tears drying up already. She turns to face him. "Ha, that's original."

She notices he’s in his EMT uniform—he must be on his way to work. "If the shoe fits who cares about being original." His smile is wide.

"More originality, I think you're on a roll."

"Well, I try." His smile turns into a smirk.

"Oh, I know," she says tilting her head with her eyes wide.  

"And don't forget it," he winks at her and walks off to what she assumes is on his way to work. Bonnie genuinely smiles back in response thankful for the reprieve from her dark thoughts.

She’s finally composed enough to get herself into her apartment. When’s she’s in she throws her stuff down in a haphazard direction and goes to her room ready for this day to be over. When she get in bed, she cries herself to sleep thinking about how she may never get the future she wants, but she has to at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to get back to this in two weeks, but don't hold me to that I'm terrible with deadlines.


	3. The Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie's determined to give Shane and ultimatum: leaver her or she's leaving.

Bonnie wakes up to her alarm blaring static. It used to be set to a station, but the dial broke and she hadn't gotten around to replacing it—it wasn't a big deal and she found that the static woke her up faster and kept her from being late. Today she didn't care about being late, so today she did not appreciate being wide awake due to her alarm. She presses the off button with no issue and turns over lying on her back sighing.

She doesn't feel like getting out of bed, and almost would give into that feeling if she didn't have something so important to do that required it. She groans as she throws the covers off of her and slides her feet over the edge of the bed while still lying down. When she finally sits up she slumps forward staring at her bathroom door. It feels like an impossible task to make it there, but she's never been one give up on any challenge even if it's with herself.

Bonnie has never been a morning person—always preferred the hue of the night—but waking up has never felt this difficult. Subconsciously she always knew this day was coming from the moment they met—she just decided not to listen. She decided to go against her instincts and _live_ for once and now it has become more than what she intended and she can't take no for answer—no matter how much he tries to avoid the subject.

Bonnie gets into the shower in hopes that the warm water will help with the feeling of dread that had taken over. She knew the chances of him picking her, but she has to try—she has to remind him why they were at this point in the first place—why they fell in love.

* * *

_They were all sitting at a table in the campus cafeteria. Elena was sitting in Stefan's lap on one side of the table—it was as though they were in their own world. Sitting next to them were Damon and Caroline having their daily argument. And there was Bonnie sitting across from them, alone, picking at her eggs watching everyone at the table._

" _I don't care what you want to plan Blondie, I'm not giving you my schedule."_

_Caroline audibly growls. "If I don't have your schedule, I don't know when you're available, so I can't include you in any our plans this week."_

" _Now you're getting it—I don't want to be included in your plans. Besides, you don't even like me so why are you so adamant about me being included in anything with you."_

" _Because I have to think about more than just me and since others don't find your company revolting I have to make an effort to include you." She lets out a calming breath. "Also if you don't want to be seen hanging out with us, why are you even here?"_

" _Don't put words in my mouth, I just said I didn't want to be included in your plans especially since I know exactly what they are—they haven't changed for the last two years why would you change them now?"_

" _Because it's a new school year and it's important we stick together because_ someone _has to make sure we don't drift apart."_

"' _Cause that would be so tragic."_

" _Don't mock me!" Caroline hits him across the chest._

" _Don't hit me!"_

" _Alright children, stop," Stefan interjects and Caroline looks at him outraged while Damon just scowls at him._

" _If he would just give me his class schedule I would."_

" _Damon, why are you being so stubborn about this? It's just your schedule which I'm pretty sure you're not going to follow anyway, so just give it to her."_

" _No, did you really think that would work?"_

" _Had to try, especially since you're being an ass for no reason."_

" _I don't need one—I'm just an ass."_

_Stefan lets out an exasperated breath and rolls his eyes. "You know one day you're not going to be so proud of that fact," he says and turns his attention back to Elena who kisses him sweetly, Damon just scowls further. No one else notices it except Bonnie, but a look passes between Elena and Damon that results in her looking guilty while Damon just gets angrier._

" _Ugh don't make me throw up my breakfast," he says he gets up and walks off in the direction of his class._

_Noticing the time Bonnie gets up also. "Alright guys I'm out, I have psychology in ten minutes and I don't want to be late on my first day."_

" _Bye Bon."_

" _Bye, Bon."_

" _See you later."_

_When she gets to her class it's packed. The only seats left are in the front much to her disdain—she always been more of middle or back of the class kind of girl. As she sits down she notices that there's no professor in the room, she wonders if he's late. The rest of the class didn't seem to care as they chattered loudly to one another. She didn't recognize anyone so, she just got out her notebook and pen and started doodling quietly while ignoring everyone around her._

_When he walks into the room she thinks he's a student. He's a little overdressed in a blazer with elbow patches, but he still looked good. Although his clothes were neat and formal his overall appearance was a little messy. He had scruff on his face like he needed to shave, his curly hair looked unkempt, and his shirt had too many buttons unbuttoned, but it all just added to his appeal for her—she was instantly attracted and could feel butterflies in her stomach._

_Looking at the empty seat next to her she looks up at him and smiles towards him in hope that he'll choose the seat next to her. He smiles back at her as he walks past her and stands in front of the podium._

_Still looking at her he shouts, "Sorry I'm late everyone."_

_The classroom quiets down as everyone turns their attention to him. "Had some personal matters to attend to."_

_He turns his attention away from Bonnie and to the students in front of him. "I'm Atticus Shane, known to you for the rest of the semester as Professor Shane and this is Psych 3020: Mind and Behavior," he says as he clasps his hands together. "I'm guessing most of you knew that and if you didn't I'm sorry you got lost, but you're in the wrong class." A few students get up and quickly rush out of the classroom. "Happens every semester."_

" _So, Mind and Behavior, it's pretty self-explanatory what we'll be dedicating our time to this semester, but for more specifics, let me hand out the syllabuses."_

_After that the class goes over what will be expected from them and what they'll be graded on—he doesn't look at her once. She keeps willing him in her mind to look over at her, but just continues class and starts his lecture._

_He starts the class off with a "fun" lecture about mind control. Most of the class is enraptured by the concept, but Bonnie doesn't put much stock in it—if mind control were real she'd be able to get him to look over at her again. She feels kind of silly about the whole thing since he's her teacher and there's not much that can come of it, but it's still always nice to be noticed by people you're attracted to._

_Unsatisfied by his lack of attention to her, Bonnie takes to tuning him out and back to doodling in her notebook. She's so spaced out that she almost misses when he calls her out._

" _You, drawing in your notebook!" She jumps a little in her seat and looks up at him with her full attention._

" _What do you think about hypnotism? And be honest, don't give me the answer you think'll give you a good grade."_

_Bonnie looks around the room and feels mildly uncomfortable with being put on the spot, but she answers anyway. "I think…hypnosis only works if you believe it will—like the placebo effect."_

" _So you think that you have to be completely open to the idea for it to work."_

" _Yep," she says stressing the "p"._

" _So do you think that you could be hypnotized?"_

" _Nope, I'm not so easily manipulated."_

" _Really?"_

" _Yes, really," she says a little aggravated._

" _Okay, so tell me, would you like to put your earring back on?"_

_Bonnie furrows her brows in confusion and the looks down at her desk where the earring she doesn't remember taking off lays neatly on her notebook. "How?"_

" _Well, I guess you'll have to come back to class next time to find out." He smirks at her and then turns to the rest of the classroom, "class dismissed."_

_Bonnie couldn't help but look at him in amazement as everyone slowly filtered out of the classroom. She was going to like this class a whole lot more than anticipated._

* * *

Bonnie is outside her apartment door locking up when she hears the door behind her creaking. Already knowing who it is she sighs—she has no energy for him today, not even snap back at him.

"Fancy meeting you here." He leans back on the doorway and crosses his leg in front of him.

Bonnie turns around giving him a halfhearted smile and nods in response.

His playful expression immediately falls when he sees the miserable look on her face. "Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?"

She cocks her head to the side. "Is that an actual expression?"

She asks that a little too monotone for his liking. "Yes, I heard on TV once, so it must be—TV doesn't lie to you."

"Yeah, well, keep believing that." She starts down the hall toward the stairs.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Huh?" she stops and turns facing him.

"You didn't answer my question and it's only fair since I answered yours and I asked first."

"Really, you want me to answer 'who peed in my Cheerios'?" She looks at him in disbelief. "No one, dumbass, but I'll be sure to tell you when someone does."

"Noted, and that still not answering my question. Someone or something's bothering you and I want to know."

She scoffs, "Why do you even care? You _hate_ me—you make it your life's mission to annoy me with every chance you get, so why would you care if something's bothering me?" Her voice rises, "Is that something only you're allowed to do? Huh?"

"No, it's just not fun kicking someone while their down. Like seriously, what is the point if there isn't a challenge? I just want you back to you _plucky_ self so that I can have fun again because this has been going on for a while."

"Maybe you just wore me down—ever think that?"

"You know I did, but it was just way too easy—you're more…resilient than that."

"And how would you know? You barely know anything about me."

"I know enough." He pushes himself off the wall and walks to his to his door. He opens it and before he goes to walk in he pauses. He looks over at her and says with complete sincerity, "Seriously, what's wrong?

"None of your business," she says softly. She then proceeds to walk to the stairs and descends them.

"Can't say I didn't try," she hears him say from a distance.

When she gets in her car she takes a moment to herself. She's not hiding her feelings as well as she thought if her neighbor was picking up on it. She just hopes her friends are too preoccupied to notice because she doesn't feel like dealing with their concern especially since she can't tell them anything. Although if the past is any indicator they're definitely too preoccupied to noticing anything going on with her which brings her more comfort than it should.

Bonnie takes a deep breath and relaxes her muscles. Feeling calm enough she opens her eyes and turns on the car. The clock on the dash tells her that her class has already started meaning she's late, but she can't find it in her to care. She's only going to worry about things that matter today and being late isn't one of them.

* * *

_She's sitting in his office waiting for him to finally sit down so that they can discuss her grade. His office is filled with boxes as though he just moved in. He's hunched over a box trying to find something within it but is having trouble. After a few minutes, he comes up and huffs in frustration. "I'll look for it later." He stands and walks over to sit at his desk._

" _Alright, what did you want to discuss?" He's sweaty, and a little agitated, but still manages to smile at her._

" _My paper," she pushes the essay in front of him, "I want to know why you gave me a 'C'."_

_He flips through her essay and skims it over. "I gave you a 'C' for the reason I wrote in the corner it's too dense."_

" _I got that, but how is it too dense? I did a lot of research and I thought I analyzed myself pretty well." Her voice raises in protest._

" _The research is fine, but the details about you are dense. I can't tell if the conclusions you draw are correct because there isn't enough information there." He turns to a page in her essay. "Here, where we get to how you were parented and how that affects your behavior," he points to a passage, "you tell me he was a permissive parent and then list the effects of permissive parenting on children and how that's similar to you, but you never go into detail about how he was permissive or what specific things he did that shaped the way that you think, you just went straight to the generalized terms. I needed more of you in this essay." He looks up at her with a small smile of encouragement in hopes that he hasn't scared her off._

_Bonnie mulls over what he's saying to her but is still having trouble. "It's not a personal essay, why do you need more about me? It's not a diary entry."_

" _But it was personal—the assignment was about you and why you do the things that you do and you only gave me half of that, so that's why you go the grade that you did."_

_She huffs in frustration, "So I got a failing grade—"_

" _You didn't fail," he interrupts._

" _It's failure to me, but anyways you gave a 'C' because I didn't get more personal?"_

" _I guess, yes, but that's better than being on the other side of things—you understand the terms, but I want you to apply them more."_

" _But I did apply them."_

" _You did which is why you didn't fail, but it was dense as I said. However, I have a feeling that this won't be an issue with other assignments."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because they don't involve talking about yourself which you have a clear issue with."_

" _What makes you think I have problems talking about myself? I did share details in that essay."_

" _You shared the bare minimum and quite honestly I was impressed at how much you were able to avoid telling me anything about yourself while telling me so much. I know who you are in textbook terms, but I couldn't tell you anything about you." He's smiling at her in amusement._

" _It's a gift—keeps the mystery alive," she says in a lighter voice._

" _Well consider me intrigued."_

_They stare at each other with smiles on their face for a beat too long—she's feeling butterflies in her stomach again. His phone interrupts the silence cause them both to jump._

" _Well, I guess I'll go." She picks up her things and points toward the door._

" _Yeah, come back if you have more questions."_

" _I will." She says as she gets up and leaves. She smiles as she's walking to her car still the residual butterflies in her stomach from their moment. She doesn't know how, but she's going to find a way to come to his office as much as she can._

* * *

She walks in through the back door as quietly as she can, but she still catches the attention of some of the students and Shane, who looks at her like a lost puppy. Her features immediately harden in response. He doesn't stare at her too long before he gets back to his lecture.

She's 30 minutes late to class, but she still sits down at her desk and takes notes—she still has to pass his class if she wants to graduate with 4.0 GPA.

Despite her determination to pay attention to what he's saying she finds herself distracted. She can't act like nothing's going on like she used to—he opened something in her that just makes her want to have her feelings known.

* * *

" _What did I expect?!" He snorts though nothing about his tone says he actually finds anything funny. "Kate, I expected you to discuss it with me and listen to what I had to say, not go away with our son so that I'd spend Thanksgiving ALONE!" He's shouting through the phone._

_Bonnie waits outside his office—she can tell he's not in the mood for visitors. Normally she would leave, but she was in need of some cheering up of her own and the only thing to make her smile lately was him._

_Her friends, though have always been a little off in their own world, seemed to be more distant lately—there was a rift that she couldn't quite pinpoint, but she knew it had something to do with Elena. For all of Caroline's efforts, Elena was still the glue that kept everyone together and lately she had been distant from everyone including Stefan and it was affecting the group. Bonnie just decided to distance herself from whatever it was completely and focused on her studies—well her studies and Shane._

_Since that first meeting about her grade, she had been coming by more frequently. They didn't talk about her grades much anymore, but mostly just talked—he wanted to crack her mystery._

" _Hello? Hello? Did you hang up?!" He slams the phone back into its place. He lets out a deep breath massaging his temples._

_Bonnie takes the silence as her cue to walk in. "Is it a bad time?" She asks timidly._

_He looks up at her and his features soften a bit at her presence. "No, it's never a bad time for you. Go ahead and take a seat." He gestures toward the couch that's in the corner of his office. There are far fewer boxes than there were in their first meeting, but it still looked like he just moved in._

_He gets up to join her. "So what's got you in my office this time? Boy trouble?"_

_Bonnie laughs, "No, nooo," she stretches out the word in disbelief._

_He looks at her with his brows furrowed in confusion. "What's so funny about me thinking you'd have boy trouble? After all, you are a young beautiful woman." He looks at her probingly._

" _It's just…I don't date much, so the prospect of having boy trouble just seems far out there I guess." She turns in on herself a little feeling uncomfortable talking about her dating life or lack thereof._

_Sensing her nervousness he switches the subject. "Alright if it isn't boys what is it?"_

_She decides whether or not to tell him. Based on his phone call earlier it seemed as though he had enough on his plate already and she didn't want to add to it. She relents anyway. "It's my dad…he's not coming home for Thanksgiving, not that he usually does, but I guess I just idiotically hoped he would this year."_

" _It's not stupid to hope to see your family on Thanksgiving, Bonnie. Is there anyone else that's going to be around?"_

" _No, after my Grams died it was just me and him which meant mostly me, but I still have Friendsgiving which is nice, but sucks when everyone else will be going home after to be with their families on the actual holiday."_

" _Why don't you spend it with one of them?"_

" _I guess, I just feel too out of place there—they all have their own family and traditions and I don't know where I fit in there, so I'd rather be alone."_

" _Well, you could always make your own traditions—ones that fit you."_

" _I guess I could." She starts to clam up again—she rarely shares her feeling like this. "So, what's up with you? That sounded like a pretty intense phone call."_

" _I don't want to talk about that Bonnie."_

" _Aw come one, I tell you what's bothering me and in return, you tell me what's bothering you. Tit for tat." She leans into his side and bumps him._

" _Alright, but it's going to be boring marriage stuff."_

" _So I gave you boring family stuff."_

" _It's just…I really don't like my in-laws. Like really really—they're snobby and rich and basically own me right now and I wanted one holiday where I didn't have to see them. Where we could make our own traditions and stay at home for Thanksgiving with our son and she just decided to ignore all of that." He gets this faraway look that makes Bonnie feel like she's lost wants to get him back,_ needs _to get him back on the plane with her._

_Without any warning, she kisses him. When asked later she'll say she doesn't know why she did it, but deep down she knows why—because she wanted to. And when his mouth isn't moving with her's, she pulls back in embarrassment._

" _I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that?" She grabs her bag and starts to get up when he pulls her back down and kisses her. She responds immediately dropping her bag and putting her entire body in it. The kiss intensifies and she's straddling his lap pulling at his shirt. His hands circle her lower back unsure about moving lower._

_After about ten minutes he pulls back nervously. "I'm married."_

" _I know," she says feeling the guilt come over her._

" _I have a wife and a family and…and I shouldn't be making out with my students." He groans as he drags his hands across his face._

" _Oh God." This time she does get up and doesn't stop when he asks her to wait._

_A few days later on Thanksgiving, he's at her door. She's very surprised but welcomes him._

" _How'd you know where I lived?"_

" _It's in your file."_

" _Why are you here?"_

" _No one should be alone on Thanksgiving."_

_She doesn't even get out a word before he's kissing her and she's backing them into her apartment. It was the best Thanksgiving she'd had in years._

_Later that night when they're in bed together, they're spooning, he's caressing her arm humming to himself. They're peaceful which is why Bonnie's hesitant to ask her next question._

" _What changed your mind?"_

" _I couldn't stop thinking about you."_

" _Really?"_

" _Yes, really. Why do you do that?"_

" _Do what?"_

" _Underestimate yourself."_

* * *

Everyone slowly filters out of the room while Bonnie stays in her seat—neither breaks eye contact. They both know what's coming.

When everyone is out of the room he locks it. She walks to the front of the classroom and plops down on top of the desk in front. He stops in front of her and traps her between his arms. "Look I'm sorry about yesterday," he starts. If it were any other time she'd welcome the closeness and his words, but she's gone this route one too many times.

"Stop right there. I didn't come for an apology. I came for an answer once and for all. It's either me or her?" Despite her nerves, her voice is clear.

"You don't know what you're asking," he says backing away from her.

"I know exactly what I'm asking. I'm asking is this going anywhere or am I just wasting my time. I'm asking was this real or was I just a distraction from your life? I'm asking why should I stay if I know that you're just going to leave me like everyone else?" She's almost in tears by the end.

"That's not fair. You know I have way more on the line than you. I could lose my family, _my job_ , and even my house. What do you lose? What is on the line for you?" There was malice in his tone that he's never used with her once and it scared her, but she stayed strong.

"You, I lose you. The only person who's been there for me, thought about me and how I feel, the only person who's never ignored me, and up until a week ago you were the only person I was certain that loved me. I lose you and that's a lot! You have a lot of things you _might_ lose, things that you could still keep! I don't have that courtesy." Her breathing is heavy as tears streak down her face. She feels so broken and vulnerable—she never used to show this much weakness, but he seems to have this effect on her. He was, and is, always able to get her to open up.

He wastes no time pulling her into his arms and rubbing her back gently. They stay like that until she's calmed down.

_This,_ she thinks. _This is why I love you._ No matter what he'd always cheer her up even if it wasn't the best time. But now she's starting to doubt why.

"What am I to you?" She breaks the comfortable silence.

He looks like hesitantly. "You're my girlfriend." He stretches each word out awkwardly. "Words I never thought I'd utter after I said 'I do', but you're my girlfriend. I love you a lot. We talk. We have sex, so you're my girlfriend."

"Alright I'm your girlfriend, but do you want to keep it that way. Spend the rest of your life married to someone you hate, and keeping me as your _girlfriend_ on the side."

"Of course not!"

"How am I supposed to know that?" she says flatly.

"You aren't." He sighs. "You're supposed to be young, live in the moment and take things how they are and not question things like the future."

"I thought you knew me better than that."

"I do, unfortunately, I do. You're Bonnie Bennett, You're smart, fierce, and a fireball in bed. But most of all, you need to be nurtured, someone to be there for you because your parents won't, and your friends barely try and…I can't take that on."

Bonnie never knew five words could hurt her so much. He was different, he was everything she needed and in five words all of that proved to be lies. "Why?"

"You know why."

"Because of her?! No, why did you keep this going? You had an out well before now, but waited until I fell in love with you to do this."

"Because I wanted you! I'm selfish and wanted you!"

"Well then have me!"

"I can't! I can't do that! I can't leave my life. Give up everything for some 21 year old who doesn't even know what she wants in life. I can't risk it. I'm sorry." That last part he says with complete sincerity, but that doesn't matter to Bonnie.

"Fuck you." She grabs her things and storms out on him for the last time.

* * *

" _We can't keep doing this."_

" _I know but it's so much fun."_

" _I'm serious Bonnie. We can't keep doing this. I'm married."_

_It was as though someone had poured cold water down her back. It wasn't as if she didn't know this already, but it beyond their first kiss she hadn't been confronted with it. The last two months she had been in the ignorant bliss of having a boyfriend, being someone's priority. Granted one she couldn't tell her friends about, but that had barely been an issue._

" _Why now?"_

" _I don't know, I guess I just realized a few things."_

" _Like what?"_

" _Like I have a son who looks up to me. That if anyone ever found out I would lose that and him."_

_Bonnie's eyes water thinking about what he just said. She was a homewrecker. "Not yet," she whispers._

" _Huh?"_

" _I get it. I mean it was never meant to last, was it? You're married." Her voice cracks._

_He goes to hug her but she stops him. "Stop." She grabs her things and gathers herself. "I guess it's good we ended this before it got serious."_

" _Yeah," he says softly._

" _Well, bye." And with that, she leaves._

_She feels like spending the rest of the day in her apartment crying, but she can't do that. Care would kill her for missing game night._

_She pulls up to Stefan and Elena's apartment and finds Damon sitting on the front steps with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. It's almost February and freezing outside so she's surprised he's not inside with the rest of the gang. She gets out of her car and approaches Damon. The look on his face alerts her that something is very wrong._

" _What happened?" He looks up from the ground to her._

" _Ah, just who I wanted to see, Judgy."He sounds too exasperated for his words to have any bite._

" _And just who I wanted to see, Demon." She rolls her eyes. "Serious, what's going on?"_

" _Why don't you go inside? They'll tell you everything." He laughs humorlessly._

" _Because I'm asking you." She says warily._

" _As you can see I fucked up again."_

" _It can't be that bad." Damon's not known for his good behavior, but he's never really done anything that hurt anyone. Broke a few girl's hearts, but nothing that warranted this reaction._

" _Oh, trust me. It is."_

" _I'm pretty sure I've done worse."_

" _No, you haven't." He says sincerely and it throws Bonnie for a loop. They've never been on the best of terms and him acting nice in an sense is new._

_She sits down on the steps next to him. "Try me." She grabs the bottle out of his hand and takes a swig from it._

" _Alright." He grabs the bottle back for some more liquid courage. "I slept with my brother's girlfriend. Not only that, but I've been sleeping with my brother's girlfriend for the last four months and today he walked in on it. I'm the scum of the Earth."_

" _Hmm."_

" _That's it. I just told you that I'm the worst brother in the world and all you have to say is, hmm."_

" _I guess I'm just not surprised."_

" _Not surprised?"_

" _Yeah, well I noticed. Maybe not that it had progressed that far, but I saw the way you looked at her, but mostly I noticed when she started returning those looks."_

" _I guess we weren't subtle."_

" _No, you weren't but everyone was just too preoccupied to notice" She grabs the bottle again and takes another swig._

" _I'm surprised you're not giving me a lecture right now."_

" _Under normal circumstances, I would, but that'd just make me a hypocrite."_

_He snorts. "Unless you slept with Elena too, I don't know how you'd be a hypocrite." He takes the bottle back._

" _No, I didn't sleep with Elena, but I did fuck my married professor."_

_He nearly spits out his bourbon and gives her a skeptical look. "That doesn't sound like the Judgy I know."_

" _I've never been the girl you think you know."_

" _I suppose you're right."_

_They sit there in communal silence just passing the bottle between each other. They've never had much in common until today, but like the saying goes, misery loves company._

_And it did for the next month they would spend time exclusively at Bonnie's apartment drinking their heartbreaks away. After the incident, Elena broke up with Damon saying it as too much to deal with._

" _I lost my brother forever over a girl and didn't even get the girl in the end. How pathetic is that?" He says one night during one of their drunken stupors_

" _You didn't lose him forever. He may not talk to you for the next 50 years, but that's not forever."_

" _After what I did I don't see that happening."_

" _C'mon, your brother loves you. Remember when you flunked your Sophomore and Junior year of high school? He, while still disappointed in you, was also extremely ecstatic that he got to graduate with you, and eventually go to college with you instead of losing time with you. Your brother loves you, and that's not changing ever. It may be a long time before he forgives you, but it'll happen."_

" _I hope you're right Bon Bon."_

_Damon eventually gets the girl. She was feeling too lonely without him and with that their late drunken nights ended, but they still saw each other occasionally and were a lot more friendly. They now had an understanding of each other._

_Things got worse for her. With the breakup, everyone separated and that left her in limbo. It gave her a lot of time alone to think. Think about school, what she wanted to do in life, her friends, but mostly Shane. He kept burrowing his way into her thoughts and she finally caved._

_This time she went after him. She knocks on his office door and he answers. The moment he sees her he looks at her intensely._

" _I missed you." That's all it takes before he kisses her._

_They're quick to get in his office before anyone sees them. They start making their way to the couch._

" _This is a bad idea," she says partially breaking their kiss._

" _I know," he sighs._

* * *

Bonnie made her way to a bar close to campus. She wanted to drink her sorrows away. It worked the last time, almost. She stares at the broken peanut shells in front of her with tears streaking down her face. She feels so alone right now.

She takes out her phone and calls the one person who'd understand her right now. She waits impatiently as the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Damon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! It's been a while, I know and I'm sorry, and not at the same time because granted I didn't work on this chapter every day for the last year, but I was working on it and it was time needed. This was such an important chapter that explained so much backstory that my perfectionism kind of took over made certain things hard to write and still everything isn't exactly how I want it (their first kiss), but I'm glad I updated. I know it's frustrating waiting so long for updates and trust me I'm frustrated too. I have this entire story outlined and I add to it all the time, but writing is just so slow for me. So for any followers wondering if this is abandoned, no, none of my stories are, I'm just a slow updater.


	4. Communion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie drowns her sorrows in alcohol with Damon there for support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yay! I'm back, and in less than a month. Hopefully I keep this up. This chapter is a lot shorter than I anticipated but it's the first time in a while that I've been completely happy with a chapter, so there's that. I'm really excited for you guys to read this chapter because it's one of the first things I imagined when I came up with this fic, plus, my summary is finally coming to fruition! Any way, enough of me yammering.

Bonnie was sat at the bar with four empty glasses in front of her when Damon found her. She is on her fifth whiskey sour.

"I see you started without me." He sits down on the stool next to her and waves down the bartender. "Bourbon neat." The bartender nods and goes to fetch his order.

They sit in companionable silence before the Bartender sets his order in front of him. "So…how are things?" he says right before taking a sip from his glass breaking the awkwardness that had started to permeate the room.

Bonnie snorts in response. "Things are great Damon. How are things for you?" There's an edge in her voice.

"Oh you know, I was having a lovely evening asleep in bed with my girlfriend when my best friend calls in hysterics, so I got out of bed to go put out that fire."

"Sorry for disturbing your quiet evening." Her tone is sarcastic, but a small bit of sincerity.

"Bonnie, when I said you could call me anytime I meant it." He makes sure to look her in the eyes so she gets it.

"I know," she says quietly.

"So, why are we here? I'm guessing this has to do with Professor Creepy."

She lets out a small chuckle. "He's not creepy."

"I beg to differ."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. We broke up." Tears start forming again. "Or whatever the hell you call it when you break up with your married boyfriend." She laughs bitterly.

"I'm sorry," he says softly.

"Why? You said it yourself, he wasn't good for me. You should be celebrating. You were right! You can finally say your big 'I told you so'."

"I was right, but that doesn't mean I like seeing you in pain, so no 'I told you so' coming from me. You get the timeless and utterly cliché 'I'm sorry' because…well, I am. You don't deserve this."

"But I do," she says so low he almost doesn't hear her. "I mean, seriously? What the fuck did I expect?"

"To be happy."

"Yeah, that obviously worked out." She downs the rest of her drink.

He follows in suit. "Alright let's get some more alcohol because I'm way to sober for a conversation this heavy." He flags down the bartender again and askes for the whole bottle giving her two one hundred dollar bills in exchange. He gets up out of his seat and takes Bonnie with him to a more secluded area in the bar.

It was just like old times. When they first started hanging out with only their broken hearts in common, but now it was only her so he sat and listened to her talk, rant, cry, whatever emotion struck her next. He thought he already knew all there was to know about her in those two months, but there was so much more.

For one, he didn't realize how deep her feelings of inadequacy went. He had a glimpse of it when they were drinking buddies, but he didn't quite grasp it. He internally feels guilt for being too wrapped up in his problems at the time to fully understand it and even worse for being too attached to Elena to get it since. He realizes that's he's been a crappy friend. It took him months to realize she was still having the affair!

Two, he didn't realize that she was in love with the professor. Call him naive, dense, or any adjective that equates to dumb, but he had assumed that she was with him just because of the thrill. The thrill of doing something bad, the thrill of not being the good one for once, but he realizes now that it was more for her and he should have realized it before. Now, more than ever, he wanted to punch that Professor. He had to have known all along what he was doing to Bonnie. _He's a psychologist for fucks sake,_ he internally rants. But he keeps that to himself for now, because this isn't about him and that not going to help.

Eventually, the bar closes, but neither of them is in a condition to drive, so they make their way to his Camero and just sit in the parking lot not ready for the night to end. They know they'll eventually have to call a cab, but for now, they were just enjoying each other's company.

"Why don't we do this anymore? Hang out just the two of us?" Bonnie says words slightly slurred.

"I don't know. I guess we just got too caught up in our own lives," he says remorsefully.

"You mean you got too caught up in living out your dream," he says irritated.

"What do you mean living out my dream?"

"Of having Elena. We both know you were pining for her well before you started doing it behind Stefan's back."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean my dream was just to get her."

"Then what was your dream?"

"I don't know," he says stoically. He gets pulled into his thoughts for a moment. "I guess…I just wanted to be happy."

"Are you happy?" she says truly curious.

"I think I am."

A dam breaks in Bonnie and for the umpteenth time of the night, she starts crying again. "God, what's wrong with me?"

"Lots of things, be more specific," he says as he pulls her into him for a comforting hug. She smacks him in response.

"Now is not the time for jokes, can't you see that I'm crying?" she shouts as her body shakes with laughter.

"Comedic timing was never my strong suit."

"That's an understatement." Her voice cracks.

They sit there in an embrace for a while. Bonnie takes all the comfort he's giving. She knew she couldn't be alone, she's just glad Damon is there.

"You know Bon Bon, you deserve better than a lying jackass who cheats on his wife."

Bonnie moves her head from the crook of his shoulder to look up at him. "If he's a jackass, what does that make me?"

"The most understanding woman on the planet." He laughs at his own stupid joke and she soon follows in laughter moving back to the passenger seat.

When the laughter dies down she gets pensive again. "Seriously Damon, what kind of woman sleeps with a married man and expects him to leave his wife and child?" Her voice breaks near the end.

Damon looks at her with a sympathetic smile. "One who hasn't completely given up on romance. Trust me, Bon, you'll find someone else in no time, and he won't be married, and then you can tell Elena and Caroline all about him, and all will be good," he says definitively.

"And what makes you think it'll be that easy?" she says staring out the window.

"Look at me." When she doesn't comply he gently turns her head towards him. She keeps her head down "I said look at me. I want you to look at me when I say this so that you know I'm not lying when I say it." She finally looks up at him. "You, Bonnie Bennett are beautiful on the inside and out. You're loyal and despite my judgy comments, you're actually one of the most accepting people I've ever met. I know it'll be that easy because who wouldn't want you?"

Their faces have gotten impossibly close as they stare at each other intently. "You really think all that?" Her voice sounds so small and unsure.

"Of course I do," he whispers.

She knows she shouldn't do it, but doing things she should has been her motto lately. She closes the distance between them and kisses him. Much to her surprise, he kisses her back.

After lust takes hold of both of them and his tongue is in her mouth she moves her hand to his face and slowly caresses him until she's moving her fingers through his hair. He takes the opportunity to grab her hips and pull her into him until she's straddling his lap in the driver seat. Having broken their kiss for a moment he moves his mouth to hers reclaiming her lips again.

The windows of the car fog up and she swears she can feel his hands everywhere. He starts trailing kisses down her jaw line until he gets to her neck where he decides to stay for a bit. She grinds down on him at the sensation of him sucking her pulse point. He groans in response and squeezes her ass pushing her further down on him. She whimpers grinding on him more.

He trails kisses down some more until he reaches her cleavage. It's not until she feels her shirt being pulled up that she gains some of her senses.

"We shouldn't be doing this," she says breathily. She still hasn't stopped grinding on him.

"I know," he rasps out. He moves his hand back to her hips and stops her movement. "But we do a lot of things we shouldn't." He grasps the back of her head and pulls her down kissing her languidly.

Bonnie revels in it. She knows it's wrong, always known it was wrong, but part of her always relished in the wrongness of it all. There was something in her that liked that someone was putting as a priority over someone else important, even though they deserved it more. She almost felt vindicated, until she wasn't. Until she realized she would always come second.

They eventually move things to the backseat. They're both completely naked with her underneath him. He's a lot slower than she would have imagined. When she and Shane first started they both did it as fast as they could before they either of them could come to their senses, but Damon, he savored it. He moved his mouth on every available inch of skin he could get to in their limited space. He ate her out like she was the last sweet thing on Earth. He made sure he could feel every part of her insides with every stroke.

Bonnie was on her third orgasm of the night when he picked up his speed. She could hear him growling and the sound turned her on. She knew he was close, and swivels her hips to help him out. They both curse. She puts his face in her hands and makes eye contact. She can tell he's trying to hold out, make it last longer, but he doesn't need to. "Let go, it's okay," she whispers. It's all the encouragement he needs before his lips come down on hers grunting as his hip stop jerking erratically as he releases his cum inside her. Her hands make their way down to his ass pushing him farther in. She keens at the warm feeling that fills her.

He doesn't mean to but he collapses on her and they lay there in content silence until the cold hits their bodies. He sits up grabbing his pants first and starts to redress. She follows in suit. The air is thick and musty as they dress and she tries not to let the awkwardness seep in, but it does. She doesn't know what'll happen to their friendship after this. He's been her rock through this whole situation with Shane, but did she just ruin that?

She moves to the front seat first. As he struggles to get in the front of the car through the middle she contemplates her next action. What does she say? Does she even say anything? Should she just get out of the car and just book it? As crazy as it sounds she doesn't have much experience with casual sex.

"Hey." His voice breaks her out of her thoughts. "I can feel you overthinking over there."

"Am I overthinking because it kinda feels like I'm thinking just the right amount?"

"Everything is going to be alright," he says in a calming voice.

"How can you say that? You're weirdly calm for someone who just fucked their girlfriend's best friend."

"I've done worse and come back from that," he says matter of factly.

"What do you mean come back from that? Stefan still doesn't talk to you." She's almost in hysterics.

"Alright, bad word choice. What I meant is that while things aren't back to where they were they aren't bad. So this can't be that bad either especially if we keep our mouths shut and never do this again."

"Well you got that right, but…" Tears fall from her eyes. "How do we live with it?"

"The same we always do," he says quietly. He lets his words sit in the air as he digests what happened. He knew it was wrong, he always knows he's wrong, but like always he couldn't resist. He knew he was going to screw up one way or another, he just never imagined it would be like this and to make matters worse he ruined the most meaningful friendship he's ever had. But he did truly believe things would be fine. They're always are one way or another.

* * *

She doesn't get home until just before sunrise. She trudges up the stairs of her apartment once again—it had become a habit. The question _how did this happen_ runs through her head over and over, but she knows the answer: because she wanted to. She wanted to feel something other than pain, she wanted to feel worth it again—she felt far from th at now.

She's walking towards her door when he comes out donning his EMT uniform. She groans internally at her luck. Of all the times she could be in this hallway it has to be when he's leaving.

"Ooo, late night." He says with a smug grin.

"Ugh, fuck off." She's fumbling with her keys trying to get them in the lock.

He laughs, "She's back and feisty as ever." She rolls her eyes. "As much as I'd love to continue this, I've to go or I'll be late for work, and I do have live on the line." He walks down the stairs with a smile on his face. "Hope to see you around," he says before he disappears from her sight.

"I hope not," she says to herself as she walks into her apartment. She locks the door behind her, throws her book bag on to the tiny dining room table, and flops on to her bed. He last though as nausea from the alcohol sets in is that she makes bad decisions, _very bad decisions_. She groans and rolls over hoping sleep will help, but she knows it'll be a while before this feeling goes away, if it ever does...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know Bonnie just took two giant steps back after taking one step forward, but don't worry, it's all apart of her journey. I know we would all like things to be easy going for her from now on, but I'm not good at writing fluff, and I meant angst when I tagged, lots and lots of angst, but it'll get better, or else what's the point?
> 
> Now I'm going to throw this out there now because I know how frustrating it is to read a story and not have your ship be endgame (as does pretty much every viewer of TVD), but Bamon is not the endgame couple here, I'm sorry, I know this chapter kind of teases you in that sense. As crazy as this sounds coming from me, the person who wrote this story, I don't think any good romantic relationship can come out of cheating and that becomes more clear the farther we get into this story. I know I've shut them down kinda early, but can promise you this, they will not get the show treatment in the end of ambiguously still speaking to each other, he will be a big part of her life by the end, just not who she ends up with, if she even ends up with someone because I think we can all agree at this point what she needs the most is a good friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Review, leave Kudos or do neither and move on with your day—either way I'm happy you came:)


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